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(NOTE: TJ, our young hero of TIME RIDER - Wildertrek,
endures constant bullying at school. He even has problems with
ruffians when he travels back in time to the wild frontier days.
His story of ultimately overcoming and gaining real confidence is very
relevant for youth today who suffer harassment from mean classmates or
other people.)
Are you faced with bullying at school or know students who are? Here are some savvy ways to deal with bullies.
Bullying in schools has seemingly reached epidemic proportions
today. This appears especially true in elementary school, middle
school, junior high school levels, and even up through senior
high. And it's not just the boys who are tormenting their
classmates. Girls often are crueler and much more devious than
the boys in their personal attacks.
Bullying can take many forms. It can be verbal such as
taunting, teasing that goes way beyond mere kidding around, false
accusations, vicious rumors, ugly slurs, constant unkind statements,
making fun of someone's appearance or intelligence or lack of material
things. It can be emotional such as constantly and publicly
humiliating someone, continuously excluding someone from becoming part
of an accepted group or popular crowd, derogating someone's manhood or
womanhood. And it can be physical, including hitting, punching,
slapping, kneeing a boy in his private area, shoving, tripping,
choking, in the case of girls, pulling hair, yanking on clothes,
spitting, biting, kicking, etc.
Whatever form bullying takes and wherever it occurs, bullying
kids at school is intolerable behavior. Unnecessary and
unprovoked unkindness is always wrong, no matter what excuse the bully
or bullies offer to school authorities or teachers.
But there are ways students can help protect their selves and deflect bullying actions. Here are just a few.
- Build a "defense team" around you. The old
truism that all bullies are cowards unfortunately is not 100%
true. Yes, many bullies are cowardly at heart, and they seek
to lash out at weaker prey. But all bullies, whether
they're a coward or not, respect power. Two are better than
one, three are better than two, four are better than three.
Early on, connect with other students who may also be targets of
bullying action, and form a protective group. In between classes,
in the lunchroom, in the gym, on the playground, etc., keep
together as much as possible.
- "Believe in yourself" and your good qualities.
I'm not saying don't be realistic about areas where you want to
improve. We all have things that aren't perfect in
ourselves. But spend equal time encouraging yourself in the
many areas where you KNOW you have good qualities. Think on
all the good traits, skills, and abilities you have. Don't
let peer pressure or group mentality or bullying take away your core
confidence. You have a lot of innate value. You have
dreams and hopes. Don't give those up. Who knows how
productive and how fulfilling your life will be in 10, 20 years
versus many of those people who are being mean to you right
now. Look at the long-range picture and KNOW you'll going to
be someone and accomplish good things.
- "Stand up" for your innate worth. When
confronted by untrue or mean statements, reply calmly, logically,
and clearly. State what you know to be true about your
self-worth. Don't back down. And never give up on
yourself.
- Think about taking some type of "martial arts or
self-defense" class. Many kids these days are enrolled in
some sort of martial arts. The self-confidence, focus, character
lessons, and physical fitness benefits can be outstanding.
I'm not necessarily talking about becoming the Karate Kid
here. But learning some basic defense techniques and using
them ONLY WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY will work wonders in scaring
off would-be bullies. I had several fights growing up with
bullies. I was always small, highly intelligent (not a good
thing in my generation), but feisty, and I never lost a fight with a
bully, and in fact had instances where the bully failed to show at
the "appointed time" because my bluster apparently scared them
off.
- "Make allies and be a friend" wherever you
can. Even among the more popular kids, you'll find of lot of
them have good hearts and real character who'll sympathize with
your plight and take up for you. Be a true friend to
everyone you can, knowing that real friendship pays
dividends. And don't just be a friend to those in power, so to
speak. You should go out of your way to be friends with others
less fortunate. Help those in need, and you'll find help may
be coming back to you!
- "Never return evil for evil". It never works
out the way you'd hoped. Don't say or do intentionally mean
things to get back at bullies or others. Rise above the
maddening crowd and be a better person than the bullies who
persecute you.
- "Make it known". In today's "zero tolerance"
environment, it's not only okay but the correct thing to do to
notify school administrators and teachers of bullying
behavior. They'll take steps to stop the aggression.
In addition, you should confide in others who can give you comfort
and guidance: Siblings, family members, friends,
acquaintances you can trust, and people at church (if you
go). Talking things out always helps, especially if the person has
been through some of the same problems in their school days.
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